21 Lily Ct

My grandmother has lived in the same house for as long as I can remember. My husband and I recently paid her a visit. Not a thing has changed. The lawn jockey on the front porch still sits where it was at my fourth birthday party. (Yep, that's me with the cute bowl cut in a purple polka dot dress my mom made). Even the wallpaper is the same as it always was. In the bathroom, prohibition era graphics of bottles of gin and brandy. A lady sits on a man's lap with a sign "Smash John Barleycorn".
My grandmother has passed down from her mother and her mother before that a love for creating things with her hands. She taught my mom to sew, and in turn my mom taught me. She was a real stickler for detail and perfection in a garment. My Nan and mom both recall, and can now laugh about it, pulling out stitches at two am before a competition. During my visit I had the opportunity to share my wedding dress with my grandmother. She seemed so proud. She asked, "Now how many of these buttons did you make before you got it right, darling?" Every late night I worked on it I thought of her and my mom.
Skills in the sewing room isn't the only thing my grandmother passed down. Alcoholism. For generations. Something I will not allow in my home. I am proud of Nan for overcoming her addiction. Ten, fifteen years sober. I am not certain.
My Nan passed away yesterday. I am glad that I got to say goodbye in person. I am sad, and I know I will miss her. She was a generous lady that spoiled her grandchildren. Always kept the cookie drawer and the 1920's red glass candy dish full. She gave me a passion for sewing that can only be explained as "in the blood". But she also represents a significant amount of hurt created in our lives. My mother also struggles with addiction. My youngest aunt, too, lost to it years ago. While I take a moment to appreciate what good things Nan passed down, I don't think it's shameful to think that her passing may provide the family with an opportunity to move on. To not hold so dear the hurt and resentment. Maybe even to leave the alcohol behind. And so today this blog has finally received a name. To honor her talents and to let go.